Your State!
What 'state' works?
Your inner state makes a difference to your performance. What state will you choose?
You and Your State
Consider before you start to do any work with either yourself or another -
What state am I in and what would be the best state to do this in?
At the very least access a state of curiosity. about yourself and the client. Remember, just before you opened your presents at Christmas, how curious you were to know what was in the packages? Yes. that’s right..... now have the same feeling about this person you are with now!
Your ability to pace another is greatly enhance when you are open to all information from them and within yourself.
Asking yourself the questions: “How will I know that I am getting what I want? What lets me know?”
Pay attention to the responses you get
Pace, Pace Pace, Lead
You cannot lead without pacing. You cannot influence without rapport. The greatest respect that you can give another and the most influential way of being with another is to meet them in their ‘map of the world’ When this is established, and only then, leading is possible.
Positive Intention/Direction
Is the question that you are asking yourself/your client leading in a positive direction. Is the frame in which you are working a solution-frame? And what is the positive intention of your/your client’s actions? Be-aware of getting involved in the ‘problem’
And just one other thing.......
To my mind it is a supreme arrogance to give, suggest, teach something to someone else if you have not tried it yourself.
Work on yourself first!
NLP is not a set of tools and techniques for the client or just for you to use on others, NLP is a way of thinking that will effect who you are and how you work. It can make as much difference to you as it does to your clients. And yes, you need it just as much as your client. Remember the NLP presupposition from the previous page - People/children work perfectly - no-one is wrong or broken. When you work with another human being including yourself, you are working with an equal who is equally worthy of respect and honour as is anyone else.
For some people it is challenging to remember the above. Reread the ‘presuppositions’ to remind you and to access a more useful state!!
Consider before you start to do any work with either yourself or another -
What state am I in and what would be the best state to do this in?
At the very least access a state of curiosity. about yourself and the client. Remember, just before you opened your presents at Christmas, how curious you were to know what was in the packages? Yes. that’s right..... now have the same feeling about this person you are with now!
Your ability to pace another is greatly enhance when you are open to all information from them and within yourself.
Asking yourself the questions: “How will I know that I am getting what I want? What lets me know?”
Pay attention to the responses you get
Pace, Pace Pace, Lead
You cannot lead without pacing. You cannot influence without rapport. The greatest respect that you can give another and the most influential way of being with another is to meet them in their ‘map of the world’ When this is established, and only then, leading is possible.
Positive Intention/Direction
Is the question that you are asking yourself/your client leading in a positive direction. Is the frame in which you are working a solution-frame? And what is the positive intention of your/your client’s actions? Be-aware of getting involved in the ‘problem’
And just one other thing.......
To my mind it is a supreme arrogance to give, suggest, teach something to someone else if you have not tried it yourself.
Work on yourself first!
NLP is not a set of tools and techniques for the client or just for you to use on others, NLP is a way of thinking that will effect who you are and how you work. It can make as much difference to you as it does to your clients. And yes, you need it just as much as your client. Remember the NLP presupposition from the previous page - People/children work perfectly - no-one is wrong or broken. When you work with another human being including yourself, you are working with an equal who is equally worthy of respect and honour as is anyone else.
For some people it is challenging to remember the above. Reread the ‘presuppositions’ to remind you and to access a more useful state!!
TOTE Model: “Test” “Operate” “Test” “Exit”
How do we know whether something is valid/useful to us ? How do we know whether we have an Outcome ? We compare. We compare one thing against another. The only way that we as human beings know that something has changed or are able to evaluate something is by comparison. Often we compare usefully. Other times we compare not so usefully, like when we compare “apples” and “oranges”. If however, we consciously compare and evaluate our experience we give ourselves useful and authentic information.
To be able to evaluate anything well it is necessary to know what NLP calls your Present State and your Desired State, so that you can compare the difference.
Your Present State is how you feel right at the moment and your Desired State is how you will feel when you have got your Outcome.
A useful model for knowing whether you have achieved a goal/outcome is the T.O.T.E. Model. The 4 letters stand for Test, Operate, Test, Exit.
So, for instance, you are hungry. How do you know ? What do you do about knowing that you are hungry ?
Get something to eat, silly !! OK, but not so silly.
Lets look at this..................
Test: You check with your stomach to see if you are hungry
(Present State)
Operate: You think about something that you might like to eat
Test: You check how it would be eating the thing that you thought about
Operate: (again, the criteria has not yet been satisfied, e.g. you are still hungry) Go to fridge (or store) and eat
Test: Am I still hungry ? No. (Desired State)
Exit: (You) Don’t think about food anymore
Test, Operate, Test, Exit.
How do we know whether something is valid/useful to us ? How do we know whether we have an Outcome ? We compare. We compare one thing against another. The only way that we as human beings know that something has changed or are able to evaluate something is by comparison. Often we compare usefully. Other times we compare not so usefully, like when we compare “apples” and “oranges”. If however, we consciously compare and evaluate our experience we give ourselves useful and authentic information.
To be able to evaluate anything well it is necessary to know what NLP calls your Present State and your Desired State, so that you can compare the difference.
Your Present State is how you feel right at the moment and your Desired State is how you will feel when you have got your Outcome.
A useful model for knowing whether you have achieved a goal/outcome is the T.O.T.E. Model. The 4 letters stand for Test, Operate, Test, Exit.
So, for instance, you are hungry. How do you know ? What do you do about knowing that you are hungry ?
Get something to eat, silly !! OK, but not so silly.
Lets look at this..................
Test: You check with your stomach to see if you are hungry
(Present State)
Operate: You think about something that you might like to eat
Test: You check how it would be eating the thing that you thought about
Operate: (again, the criteria has not yet been satisfied, e.g. you are still hungry) Go to fridge (or store) and eat
Test: Am I still hungry ? No. (Desired State)
Exit: (You) Don’t think about food anymore
Test, Operate, Test, Exit.
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