1st Position

is when you see through your own eyes, hear through your own ears; your statements are likely to begin with phrases such as ‘I see, I feel, I want, I believe’ . You think about what is important to you and this is what comes across in your communications.

Advantage - you can develop your self worth and are able to act assertively

Disadvantage - too much 1st position and you will be seen as selfish or big-headed, and you will miss important information about other people.

2nd Position

is becoming aware of how a situation appears to someone else. You can do this most effectively by matching their body language, even using their words, to fully appreciate their experience.

Advantage - communication is an interactive process and the more you convey your understanding of the other person the better the interaction is likely to flow and reach rapport. Also, the insights you gain will help you to achieve even better communication with that person on future occasions.

Disadvantage - you may be too easily influenced and/or fall into the ‘compassion trap’ whereby you habitually put others’ needs before your own.

3rd Position

is where you take a detached view and observe or listen to the communication as if you were a ‘fly on the wall’. You are unlikely to experience strong emotions and your analytical powers will be fully in play. In NLP. this position is called the ‘meta’ position (meta = ‘beyond’ in Greek).

Advantage - you can see the relationship for what it is; this can be a really useful skill, especially if you are experiencing conflict or ‘stuckness’. Also, your lack of expressed emotion gives you more control in difficult situations.

Disadvantage - too much detachment and life isn’t much fun! People may respect you but find you ‘too cold’ as a lover, close friend or helper